Friday, 25 December 2009
Holidays with the Xulim
So what do a bunch of degenerate asshole dirtbags give each other for a NO FUKKING CHRISTMAS campaign? Pure shit. Here it goes.
Kermadec - A years supply of Anadrol and Arimidex
Belum - A miscarriage and a new woman that doesn't get pregnant.
Nihilus - Enough LSD to make him find a skinny woman that doesn't cook attractive.
Thulsa - A subscription to Ebony magazine.
Namru - An underage whore that loves to eat man-ass.
Algol - Bassem's head in a box.
NAMRU_XUL: Upon my death you will get christmass presents. Here is your doom.
Thulsa = We will be rockin' in the great Xul in the sky.
Tractus = http://www.bigmexicanwife.com, that's all you need, buddy.
Nihilus = I leave my entire Nazgul's Eyrie/Barbarian Wrath collection. Use sparingly then sell when it's worth something.
Algol = I promise 666 hauntings where we finally get to get fukked up and kick some ass musically.
Belum = I leave a coat hanger. Use it "when the time comes". I hear human meat goes for some cash, just a thought.
Kermadec = FUCK YOU FOR STEALING MY FONT COLOR, YOU SHIT. I'M GLAD YOU ARE FROZEN CORPSE FLOATING THROUGH THE EONS SPACE YEARS. I GIVE YOU NOTHING!
Algol - 1 keg of Swamp Ass Ale, brewed with gator piss, crawdad sex organs, half rotted barley and demonized yeast grown in the twat of a negress that once had a threesome with Robert Johnson and Blind Melon Chitlin'.
Belum - Xul Jugend uniforms for the Accidents. A 5 year supply of Prozium for the first few years of awkwardness and neighborhood class wars... and a gift pack of assorted Paki Jerky for the dog.
Kermadec - The gravitational pull of a planet so that entry into the atmosphere will turn his frozen floating space junk of a corpse into a pile of scattered ash that hopefully diseases some local population and causes a mass planetary extinction.
Namru - A crate each of Taurino and muscle relaxers to go with the Big Mexican Wife that will be forced to suck the piss out of his bladder whenever he demands it, and cook and clean.
Thulsa - In memory of his death we will scrape up the blood we found and synthesize it into either a new form of BBQ sauce or a perfume to be sold to fatbroads everywhere. Either way women won't be able to resist the flavor of it... and that includes the perfume too. Chicken, ribs or each other, things are getting eaten.
Tractus - A codpiece made from the skull of Lou Ferrigno, which will dispense steroids like PEZ candy. Will also have a decorative Manowar logo on it, just to be tasteful.
Kermadec-A pair of balls to strike back at the she devil cracking the whip on your back.
Belum- A pack of Caucasian sheperds to devour your unwanted.
Namru- A bloated Ricki Lake, a bottle of Smirnoff and a bag of Fritos to lure her into the sack.
Thulsa- Honorary white mans status for facing the danger no normal darky would.
Tractus- Marty McFly's hoverboard.
Nihilus- A Margaritaville beverage dispenser
First, to all the Xulin, leather "XUL" waistcoats.
Nihilus - A years supply of cheap hookers that cook Mexican food. The Pedophiles guide to dating and dining.
Tractus - A signed edition of Pumping Iron, and a fat mute mom, AFF membership for life.
Algol - Bassem for a day.
Namru - Some quiet time with Tyr.